LIFE: One Day at a Time (2)

 Rhea called her name Sakshi.. 

Sakshi didn`t respond nor did her eyes flicker even for a moment as if she was some kind of a Robot and her only task was to finish the ice cream she was having. Rhea got a little nervous. This time Rhea called her a little louder, Sakshi…. and suddenly almost stumbling and startled by her voice Sakshi got up and the ice cream can dropped from her hand.

She was trembling and almost fainted. Rhea ran towards her and caught her midway. She managed to drag Sakshi to her bedroom and made her sit on the bed. She hurriedly ran back towards the kitchen and got a glass of water for Sakshi.. Sakshi gulped the water down and started staring towards Rhea. Without blinking, Confused she opened her lips to say something but words didn`t came out of her mouth. Her body was covered in sweat and she was shivering. Rhea put her hand over her forehead and asked her to lie down,covered her with a blanket and told her to relax. The talking would have to wait for the morning after Sakshi got some sleep.

Rhea went to the other room and tried to sleep but she was worried and a little afraid that Sakshi might wake up again. Tears welled up in her eyes and sobbing she went to sleep unknowingly.

In the morning Sakshi entered the room where Rhea was sleeping carrying a tray of hot coffee. She said, “Good Morning!! Rhea, now wake up my buddy”. Rhea got up from her bed straight like a spring being released against the force. She held Sakshi by her shoulders and expectedly was looking towards her face.  Sakshi just blurted out; What? releasing herself and placing the tray on the side stool.

Rhea got confused and for a moment thought that she might have dreamt last night as she was drunk heavily. But then, Sakshi told her that kitchen was a mess, ice cream was splattered here and there and the whole can was on the floor. The bugs had a wholesome treat last night and Rhea should not drink so much and that her friends were so careless blah blah..

Her words had stopped reaching  her ears, tears came running down her cheeks and crying she told Sakshi; you did that, you were eating that ice-cream and when I called you, it fell from your hands. You do not remember a thing. Didn’t you realize in the morning how come you had been sleeping in my room while you went to sleep here.

Sakshi collapsed on the floor. She knew that something was not right with her. She had gone  through some unexplained scenarios at her home also but she had conveniently ignored them. She didn’t want to accept the facts and usually made up stories to dismiss the incidents occurred.

“The presence of anxiety, of a depressive mood or of a conflict within the mind, does not stamp any individual as having a psychological problem because, as a matter of fact, these qualities are indigenous to the species”

Sakshi was suffering. She was ill. She had to accept this and seek medical help.

Rhea embraced her, her eyes were all wet. Sakshi was also crying. She was afraid and terrified. She hugged Rhea back tightly. Rhea decided and made a promise to herself that she would not let her friend down and that she would help her to come out of all this. Whatever this is.

FRIENDS: Only  those who care about you can hear you when you are quiet.

THE UNBORN-3

“I vowed to guide you back to safer slumbers with midnight lullabies. I have spent all hours of the night listening, with intent, to your steady heartbeat, to the slow rhythmic inhaling and exhaling of your soft breaths”.

Nisha was dreaming all through the night lying in the hospital bed. Several doctors had come, checked her, analyzed her, asked her to lie in certain position, had put several surgical instruments into her vagina, but,  she could not feel a thing as if she was drained of emotions, emptied of every sensation. She was mechanically acting on whatever was asked of her as if she was a robot.

The morning sunshine was now hitting her face, and one could see that it had turned white  as if all the blood had been drained out of her.Her eyes tired and swollen were dull pale yellow now with a web of red fine lines embedded sharply against the white of her eyes. She wanted to use the washroom but she was scared even to get up. She had that feeling that if she would stand up her baby would slip out of her and she didn`t want to give any chance to God to take her baby away from her.

The doctor advised to perform a surgery to avoid premature delivery and stretch the delivery time to at least seven months. The operation was performed under full anesthesia and after the operation Nisha was transferred to her bed from the operation room. Upon waking up, she found Ayan sitting next to her, holding her hand. He caressed her forehead slowly with affection and told her that everything is fine and that she would be going home in a short while. Ayan said, “You just have to take complete bed rest and feed your baby all the healthy and nutritious food, after all you only wanted a golu polu (strong) baby, right?”. A fresh stream of tears came rolling down her cheeks, she felt blessed and wretched at the same time because in her heart she knew that she had to fight her fearful demons and still had to be  calm and portray content.

Ayan and Nisha came back home. Every passing day was a struggle for both of them. Ayan had to keep a cheerful face for Nisha and Nisha had to sound happy for him. Ayan had joined his office back and Nisha had found an escape in reading books and watching television to keep herself busy and diverted. Time was passing at its own pace.

One more month passed. Nisha was now five months pregnant and she had almost forgotten those dreadful and painful days she had spent in the hospital. She was again hopeful and full of life. Nisha was playing some game on her mobile  that night and Ayan out of care, scolded her for keeping up late in the night and asked her to take some rest and go to sleep. Nisha adjusted herself in a comfortable position and Ayan placed a blanket over her. He kissed her good night and switched off the lights.

It was 2 A.M and Nisha was wide awake, she was feeling a little cold; although it was the month of May. She resisted for half an hour consoling herself that she would be fine and tried to sleep, but she started to shiver now. She woke  Ayan and asked him to get her some thick blankets or quilts. Ayan checked on her, her body was warm. He got up at once, placed one more blanket over her, switched off the fan and fetched the thermometer. She had fever, Ayan called at the emergency number of hospital. Someone picked and he explained the situation, the doctor advised to give Nisha Crocin tablet saying that it might be some hormonal change and nothing to worry about.

It was 4 A.M . now and her condition was getting worse. She started to feel some pain in her lower abdomen and  lower back. How could she have realized that she was under labor pain and soon her water was going to break and all her suffering and struggle of so many years was going to an end.

The mobile alarm buzzed 5 A.M. Nisha snoozed that. She was under tremendous pain now as if several knives were poaching at her back simultaneously. She felt like she was going to pass out.

“Nisha was very nervous. Her palms were all greasy with sweat and there were beads of perspiration on her temple. Her stomach was rumbling as it was going to throw all the food out”. This all was happening again. But this time it was the end of a life. Aryan was pronounced dead, his heart beat had stopped.

Aryan was unborn for the creation but to her HE WAS BORN so what if she didn’t get the chance to hold his tiny hands, to peck on his little nose, to kiss on his chubby cheeks , to see his twinkling eyes, to feel  the warmth of his body…….

THE UNBORN-2 (A ride between joy and sorrow)

The ultrasound room was dark and the only light coming was from the screen of the ultrasound machine.  The gynecologist and the assistant were discussing something. Nisha just wanted to leave the room.  But then the gynecologist called her. Nisha! NIsha!..“The baby’s heartbeat is perfect and your baby is safe”, she said pointing towards the screen. Was that a miracle or was she hallucinating, she was not sure of what she had just heard. She turned towards the screen. The gestational sac was thrusting up and down. Fresh tears started to roll down from her eyes. She was smiling and crying at the same time.

After a while Ayan was also called into the ultrasound room. He was being informed that everything is fine and heart beat is still strong. Nisha could notice the dried up lines of tears on his cheeks protruding in that blue light. Ayan was now looking at Nisha and she could sense the warmth and affection like he was saying; It’s okay sweetheart, I am always with you no matter what.  The doctor was now explaining them that there is blood clotting inside the uterus, she was pointing on some spots on the screen and this all happened because some of the clots busted. This is blood hemorrhage and this could happen again. they were advised to keep calm under such situation and report to the hospital. The doctor told Nisha not to take too much stress and if possible, to take some time off from her office.  She was discharged the same day. However, she was put on bed rest.

Since, Nisha was on bed rest . Ayan had to make sure that she remains calm and happy. He started to play games with her, sometimes read for her, crack jokes for her. He made every effort to build positive vibes around her. With the bliss growing inside of her Nisha had found a new awareness and enjoyment in her life. She used to reveal every minute detail to Ayan about how her body is changing, how every change is so exciting.

She imagined every feature of her baby and subconsciously she knew that it’s a boy. She knew exactly how would he look like, his eyes would be like hers and his lips and nose would be like Ayan, his forehead would be big just like his grandfather with soft curls on his head. His ears would be small and they would flutter when he smiles. She introduced him to his family members, his grandfather, grandmother, his bua, his mama, his chacha and she decided to call him ARYAN . Well the name was agreed upon by Ayan and Nisha both. Nisha felt like she was the most happiest and luckiest woman and she could not ask for anything most precious than ARYAN.

Time was passing by slowly and with that her worries started to fade but nevertheless she took a sabbatical from her job. Her small waist had now expanded and her face had a fresh glow. She was 4 months pregnant now. She was galloping over her breakfast as today she was due for her ultrasound. She went downstairs with her Mother in law and Ayan was already inside the car. They reached to the doctor laughing, chatting and making plans for their baby.

Her doctor examined her and asked her to wait outside for report. The girl at the report collection counter called her name. Ayan got up to collect the report. The girl at the counter asked him to take Nisha to her gynecologist,nothing serious but it’s better if they would talk to the doctor They made the appointment and after a wait of almost one hour which seemed like an eternity,  they were called inside. The doctor saw the ultrasound report, made some faces, tapped her fingers and asked Ayan to admit Nisha to the hospital. Nisha’s cervix had dilated which would normally have dilated after 34-36 weeks of pregnancy at the time of delivery. They had to keep her under watch and could decide and assess the situation only after that.

Nisha was devastated. She was scared. She was angry. Again. How? Why? Why was all this happening to her? What wrong did she do to someone? Why God was punishing her? All she wished was to have a baby, to be called as mamma, to feel complete….Just few days back only she had made herself believe that the worst part had been over and nothing bad would happen now. Just few days back she had called his name and talked to him and just few hours ago she was happy with her baby.

Nisha was admitted. But she was not crying. She only knew one thing that he was born the day she received the news that she was expecting.

 

THE UNBORN-1

Nisha and her husband Ayan were sitting in the car inside the hospital parking area. Nisha was very nervous. Her palms were all greasy with sweat and there were beads of perspiration on her temple although the car AC was switched on. Some song at some random radio station was playing in the background in the car but her mind was wandering somewhere else. Her stomach was rumbling as if it was going to throw all the food out. She still had to wait for another two hours to know her results that she had given the blood sample for.

Her mobile rang suddenly, some unknown number was flashing on the screen . Disinterested she picked the call. The voice from the other side asked “Mrs. Nisha Arora”. She confirmed and then she managed to only blurt out Thank you! Thank you so very much.  

Ayan turned towards her. His eyes expecting an answer but words just wouldn’t come out of his mouth. Nisha raised her eyebrows and her lips turned into a beautiful smile. She said “Yes”, they confirmed it, I am pregnant. Oh My God! Ayan was thrilled with joy. He hugged her saying I love You, Thank you for going through all this and that this is the happiest day of my life. They collected the report which came early and left for Narayan Temple to receive the blessings.

They were on cloud nine and their happiness knew no bounds and why not??? They had struggled and suffered physical and mental stress for three long years to hear this news.  To become parents. To hold their bundle of joy. This was not a normal pregnancy. Nisha had undergone many tests and a long protocol of medical processes  to achieve this. Upon reaching home she gladly informed her in-laws that soon they were going to be grandparents.

The date of her first ultrasound soon approached. Excited and nervous, she was waiting for her turn. The doctor finally called her name. For the first time she saw and heard the heartbeat of her baby. Tears started to well up in her eyes and she realized how she was longing for this, to feel having a life inside her, to be a mother. This was the most beautiful and blissful emotion. Her doctor confirmed that “the heartbeat is strong and everything looks fine”. 

Nisha is now 8 weeks pregnant and sitting at her office desk scrolling through various sites about what to eat and what should be avoided. The other stuff related to pregnancy. Suddenly felt a liquid gush out of her. She rushed to washroom and to her shock all her jeans was stained with blood. She took that off and sat on the toilet seat. The flow of blood did not stop and continued,as if someone had pricked a balloon full of blood. Her hands were shacking and her whole body felt numb and she felt disassociated from reality, like floating in air. She called Ayan once, twice, thrice, several times but he was not picking up the call. She didn’t realize that she was crying and her whole face has turned red. She could not believe what had just happened.

She came out and managed to call her in-laws. They started from home to pick her up. Nisha was sitting outside office campus and staring at a single point,  unaware of her surroundings. Meanwhile, Ayan was also informed.

They rushed her to the hospital. Blood flow had stopped and she was feeling no pain. The gynecologist asked her to lay down so as to examine her. The ultrasound machine was fixed.  What is next? What destiny had been written for her? What is she going to witness on the ultrasound machine? Nisha was lying there and her mind was empty like her soul had drifted from her body.

The One: The Most Beautiful

The One: The Most Beautiful

Am I being vulnerable? Am I being unfair? Am I being corrupt?

Every day getting dressed in front of the mirror in my bedroom, I watch myself over and over and admire the beauty which radiates through my skin and shines brightly in my eyes. I choose to wear drops of some foundation mixed with highlighter, apply Kohl and a little blush on my cheeks. A perfect dress which accentuates my curves, ask the mirror; “ Tell me who is the most beautiful in this world?” and laugh wholeheartedly.  A smirk on  my face and a raised eyebrow; I tell to myself I am “The One”. The most beautiful creation of God on earth.

Ready to conquer the world I step out;  hah!! Nobody is better than me. Look at all these women, they are jealous! they want to be like me and the men admiring me, desire me. I can make anyone dance to the tunes of me. I can make anyone do things for me. I am “The one”. The most beautiful creation of God on earth.

The sun is now merging with the moon and a golden hew is spreading in the sky which makes me look golden like I am illuminated from the inside. People are returning back from their work, exhausted and are wondering as to how I am still shining like a pearl. They are amazed by my elegance beholding the indecipherable depths of my existence. I wink; I am “The one”. The most beautiful creation of God on earth.

I am Beauty. I am Proud. I am Power. I am the Epitome of Perfection.

Granny!! Their comes my grand kids running towards me. I am content and I am in peace.

But, hey, I am a WOMAN. I am “The one”. The most beautiful creation of God on earth.

 

An ordinary girl-5

As we say “for when we are in LOVE; age, weight, distance are just numbers”. But is that really worth to miss your love everyday and still not able to see them and hold them ? So what fate is waiting for Aarohi and Aryan in their long distance love affair?

The day had finally arrived when. Aarohi accompanied by her mother was all set to board the train to another city. Her mind was preoccupied with all the thoughts of how she would adjust in a new city? What would her roommates be like? How would her new office be? and whether she would be able to adjust to the working environment or not? She was so lost in all these thoughts in her head that she didn’t even notice Aryan approaching her with a wide smile hiding his sadness and an ache in his heart. He was right in front of her now and Aarohi was still lost in her thoughts.

Aryan chuckled and joked saying that he would be going with Aarohi to drop her off and to check whether all the arrangements were satisfactory or not. Aarohi came back from her chain of thoughts and gaped at him and said okay. Aryan was taken aback by her cold response as he was expecting that she would be all surprised and overjoyed  throwing a huge smile at him. Although hurt, Aryan dismissed her insolent conduct at that moment and boarded the train along with her. Upon settling in the train Aryan’s fears came back as he had already been warned that long distance relationships usually don’t work and college affairs typically end in colleges only. His thoughts were rattling with the sound of the train and tears began to well up in his eyes.

Aarohi noticed him and asked if he was fine? Aryan smiled at her, gazed at her intently as he wished to embrace her tightly and if fate would have it, he would have never let her leave.

They reached the PG where Aarohi was supposed to live and before leaving, Aryan gave Aarohi a mobile asking her to call him whenever required or when it was not actually required. Aryan came back. He felt exhausted and drained. He had to finish one more year of college, but without Aarohi it seemed very difficult. He gathered up all his will and start focusing on his studies.

All the while Aryan was trying to cope up with his life without Aarohi, there in the new city Aarohi was trying to cope up with her new environment. She had never been away from her home,and every day was a new challenge to her. Here she had to sort out her problems on her own, she was accountable for her own actions.Though she was struggling to get things right, she felt amazing earning for herself and despite all the setback she faced, she was enjoying the freedom. This was a different kind of  freedom which was slowly making her independent, confident and more sure of herself. She had made new friends and slowly she was beginning to get settled in the new city.

A true relationship is where no sense of insecurity lies, but we humans are weak creatures and when it comes to love, the only way to hold it near is to possess it.

 

Aarohi bought a new mobile from her first salary and called up Aryan. She asked him to come and meet her as she was excited and wanted to show him the new world that she was part off now. She wanted to show him that she had managed all the things on her own, how she had managed to reach office using metro and city buses, how she went alone for shopping, how good her office and colleagues were, all about her roommates and the gossips they indulge in, her new friends and every small little thing she wanted to tell Aryan. But in all this excitement she forgot that Aryan was alone there and had been missing her desperately and all he wanted was to be with her.

Aryan was happy for her and delighted of her success, but in his heart he was scared and cautious for his relationship. He didn`t wish to sound possessive and selfish but every time he called Aarohi he wished that she should talk only about him and the days they were together and how every day used to be so lovely and perfect and how every coming day would be spent with each other. Juggling with new responsibilities and new attention, Aarohi was always busy and sometimes she ignored the calls from Aryan.

Aryan was getting frustrated and to reassure himself he decided to meet Aarohi. It had been three months, and he had not seen her. So he called her and they planned the meeting. There was no reservation available in the train but Aryan already in despair had no patience left had decided to travel without reservation and for six long hours he traveled, standing in the train, struggling with his sleep and finally reached the city where his beloved was now.

An ordinary Girl-4

A minute has passed and all Aarohi could listen over the phone was is the slow murmur as if Aryan was accompanied by some people which she could guess must be his best friends and off course “Friends” do play an important role as cupid sometimes. In that passing one minute Aarohi had a flashback of all the dreamy movies, dying to hear Aryan`s voice and starry eyed as she knew now that she is in Love for that is why her heart was pounding so loud and that is why she could hear her heartbeat.

Aryan’s voice finally came back over the phone and he asked her, Aarohi! Will you be my girlfriend?

What? No? Astounded? She could sense the nervousness behind Aryan`s voice but literally what is to be answered for this question, she was not able to come up with any answer for this was not exactly the way she was expecting to be wished-for by a boy to whom she has fallen for. Her first love,should be special and perfect in every way. But she was smiling and her cheeks were all hot as though heat had been radiated from them.

Yes, Aarohi had not heard those three magical words and nor was she enchanted in any beautiful way either. But her Love for Aryan was something that can’t be deciphered through words. It was a divine feeling that can be felt within two souls that have merged into one. And that Love had unfolded its way in front of her on its own. All Aarohi could say was “YES”.

The next day Aarohi met Aryan early in the morning and Aryan gave her the gift he had bought for her.He was smiling and every bit of him was elated convinced that Aarohi belongs to him now. For the first time he noticed her black long hairs loosened untied and flowing in the air, her bright eyes shining and her unadulterated pure friendly smile. He had known her for past six months but today every fragment of her looked new to him. For he understood that Love is not about physical attraction. It’s about being in love bonding emotionally and mentally with the other person.

Time flew. College years passed by, each one making their love for each other stronger day by day. Aarohi got busy for the preparations of campus job recruitment and Aryan was pushing himself to study hard as now he had to accomplish something in Life so as  to make himself worthy for his Love.

Aarohi got a job in another city and Aryan had still one more year to finish in the college. They had never thought of that there would be a time when they would not be able to see each other or even not talk to each other. The college days had seemed perfect, every morning Aryan used to pick Aarohi from her home chatting all the way to the college. They used to sneak out for a cup of tea or maggi at the road side shops around college. Tea or maggi, however, were just excuses, for all they needed was each other’s time, all they needed was the reassurance that they were there for each other. The evening calls which Aryan made without fail completed their day. Getting all wet in the rain on bike, stealing a glimpse of each other and making fun faces while spotting each other in college at each other in college, holding hands they made plans of their future and laughed hysterically without any reason. The silly fights when Aarohi pretended to be angry at Aryan and the trivial jokes that Aryan used to pacify her.

They had lived a life time in those years and all this was going to be changed suddenly. Long distance relationships is a word they had heard of but never thought that they would have to go through the same. Aarohi had to move and she was nervous and scared for she was going to step into a new world leaving even the edges of her known universe.

A Silent Death

Oh! you were the one,

Who made me feel Special.

Oh! you were the one,

Who made me feel Beautiful.

Why have you turned into the one

Who wounded my Heart.

Why have you turned into the one,

Who ripped my Soul apart.

Still my Heart weeps for you

Answer me why I am so weak for YOU………

 

 

 

An Ordinary Girl-3

Enchanted

 

Hey Friends!! A big thanks and love to all of you for constantly encouraging me and providing their valuable feedback on my Blog, which is certainly helpful in improvement. Many of my friends have said that Aarohi will definitely say “YES” and this will mark the beginning of their Love Story. So let’s find out….

“Mujhse Shadi Karogi” is this really a movie Or is he making it up? Before Aarohi could make out her mind, the college bus had arrived. She knew that Aryan had been following her as such rumors always blow out of proportionss in college. With butterflies in her stomach and a blush on her face (for she was not able to hide her excitement) seeing Aryan waiting for her answer so enthusiastically, totally bewildered, she said “No” and rides on the bus. Not expecting a blunt denial, Aryan was flabbergasted at the  impoliteness of her response and decided not to see her anymore.

That day after reaching her home Aarohi was restless and at every ring of her landline she hoped that it was Aryan so that she could listen to his voice. She wanted to apologize for her senseless behavior. Several days passed and all she could hope was to see Aryan just once.  An internal connection between them had been established and no uncertainty lay in their feelings for each other. Aryan was  agitated and that feeling of unfulfillment grew more and more as the days passed.

The College was gearing up for the Annual Day Celebrations. Some students were preparing and rehearsing for their performances, some were busy finding sponsors, others were running for event arrangements. The whole college seemed to be engrossed in the gaga of this event. And amidst this madness Aryan spotted Aarohi in a red dress. Enthralled, he shouted “LAL PARI” (Angel in red dress). Aarohi turned to that voice completely in awe and blurted out “BLUE BHOOT”(Ghost in a blue dress). They laughed and moved towards each other like no one else existed. They were talking, chuckling , giggling and nothing else mattered in that moment. This was the start of their “friendship”, the start of an “affair of the hearts”.

From that day onward Aarohi started coming to college with Aryan on his bike and in the evening like some ritual Aryan always used to call on her landline.  They talked for as long as she could manage to be unaccompanied. They started spending time with each other, sharing each big and small happenings of the day, every day. The day seemed incomplete and imperfect if they didn’t get chance to see or talk to each other. They were in a relationship; a strong commitment that enables you to be an open book in front of each other and allowed their two hearts to be woven together, love eternal and everlasting. Yet still,  this needed to be revealed to both of them.

It was Aarohi`s Birthday and Aryan had bought a gift for her. He had never felt so nervous but he was also compelled, anxious but determined, implausible but convincing. Aarohi was wide awake and sitting next to her land line phone convinced that Aryan would be the first to call her and wish her a birthday that she knew would be fantastic if Aryan would be there..

Tring Tring…the bell rang, she picked up the phone in an instant…….Aryan said A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU. Can I ask you something?? She said of course, say it..

What is this Aryan going to say? Aarohi froze on the other side of the phone, her heart leaped to her throat…….